Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
