when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
