i think my tv is drunk
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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