End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
