Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
