Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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