I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
