In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she smelled like a LAN party
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
