it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
