Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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