My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I want her autograph on my taint
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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