based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
