Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
