Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
