I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Alive.
So much puke
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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