watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
