i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
