soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
