somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
