So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
