Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
