Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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