best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
