I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize