I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
