We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
