Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
