I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize