just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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