I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
