census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
