I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
