I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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