it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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