She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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