How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
