I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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