Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize