problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
