She said her name was "party"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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