I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
