so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize