lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I need water and some morals
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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