I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So much rum. So many feels.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize