We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
