I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
