When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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