dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
