this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
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