ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
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