how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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