1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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