And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
