Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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