There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
