I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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