I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
