Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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