Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
third nipple confirmed
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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