nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
