i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
