there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
