I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
