Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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