are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
