he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
