We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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