I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have fence marks all over my body
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
