Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
