listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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