smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
